No time.

No time. I feel exactly like that. Since Cole was laid off in December I have been working full-time and have forgotten how much that takes out of you. I do straight nights which leaves me in a fog most of the time. I'm good at making excuses, and I'll even claim responsibility for them. In the end I'm just lazy. I've kinda felt in a funk lately. Depressed? No. Tired? Yes Stressed? Yes Why? Not sure. Do ya ever feel out of sorts but can't put your finger on why? I do.

We're leaving Sunday to head to Salt Lake for Brynlee to have her tonsils out. She is on her 4th antibiotic since October. Sigh. They will be keeping us overnight, then we have to stay in the Salt Lake area for 10 days until her scabs fall off and we know she won't hemorrhage. We live 3 hours away from Primary Childrens, and her cardiologist will only approve surgery there. Agreed. Spontaneous death? Not so cool. Am I nervous? Not for Bryn. My mom will be keeping Haivyn and Jaivery at a hotel semi-close, and I worry more about her having to get up with the baby. Oh, did I mention they're sick? I'm 80% sure its RSV. I'm sure I brought it home from work. It's how we roll.

I haven't wrote much about Bryn lately. Why? I assume noone really wants to hear it, and we don't do anything exciting anyway. But I've decided that if I don't, it all passes by and I forget about it. So, I'm going to get better. I've always wished I had journaled more of my feeling surrounding when Bryn was diagnosed and over the years, so here goes.

I always say Bryn is doing better than I ever would have imagined. But is she? You always hope for the best and expect the worst, but I really can't say that I expected she would never write her name, read, spell etc.... She is mainstream. I am happy for that. She's not the lowest reader in her class, and 80% of the time she gets 100% on her spelling tests. Can I just be happy for her accomplishments? I find myself pushing her harder and harder, which makes her fight me harder and harder. Is it doing any good? I know she can do it. She proves it to me each week. Math? Money? Addition? Subtraction? Not so much. She struggles here. But I refuse to believe she will never get it. It might take a while, and perhaps even years, but I know she will get it.

She loves washing machines. Ok, loves is not the best word. She obsesses over them. Sears is her favorite store and actually reward most of the time for being good. She likes the red ones. Me too. She likes the ones that go back and forth, not round and round. Interesting observation, huh. I'm trying to teach her how to sort colors so she can do laundry by herself. Yay!!! Unfortunately, she doesn't care about this part, just watching it in the machine. She loves her Nintendo DS and Wii too. Another thing I didn't think she'd ever get. She's actually quite good at it too. Whatever makes her happy is game with us!

Jaivery is 4 1/2 months now. She's such a high maintenance baby. Not in a bad way, but she thinks my world revolves around her. Kinda does. But she always has to be in the middle of everything. She likes to be talked to and coddled, and loves to laugh and giggle. Brynlee thinks this is so funny and she can always get a giggle out of her. She's lazy too. She will not roll over for nothing. She will lay on her stomach and scream for 20 minutes rather than just roll over. My goodness, sure hope she grows out of this stubbornness. Like her mama I guess!

Cole has been such a trooper through this interesting transition. He's good to do the laundry and keep the house clean and things in order while I ...sleep. Tis a great life really. What could I complain about.