Another growing moment...

Yesterday, I took Brynlee to her first birthday party! She brought the invite home from school and I didn't think anything about it! The next day, with a serious face, she looked at me and said, "Mom, can I go to Logan's birthday party?" I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. Then I remembered the invite which was, to Logan's birthday party. For a week straight, she wouldn't quit talking about it! I was excited for her to experience this, but oh so nervous for her. So I decided that I was going to stay with her, but hide out in the background. Rediculous, I know, but I didn't know if his mom knew about Brynlee and her lack of social boundaries, or her ability to destroy EVERYTHING in a matter of seconds, etc.... Luckily, grandma came right before and took Haivyn, or I'd have been doomed! So we show up at the birthday party, and I go hide in the corner. There were about 15 kids, this kids mom and 8 year old brother. Can we say chaos? As I sat in the corner, I was immediately overwhelmed, once again, at the difference. I remembered this is why I don't allow her to go play at other kids houses or ever leave our comfortable bubble. In our own environment, life is bliss! I suppose I am still in denial. I sat there and fought back tears like I do everytime I see her with other kids. As they sat and listened to the book, she was staring off into space shouting out random thoughts. I couldn't handle it! I so bad wanted to pick her up, take her home and hold her. More for my benefit than for hers. As they broke up into groups I decided to leave and hope for the best. I try not to think about her and life's many challenges because ignorance is bliss, right? But for how long? As she gets older she wants to be involved and do things other kids do. She wants to go to dance and play with other kids, and I know that I am by no means helping her by restricting her. But it's how I handle it and I am losing my sense of control. I so bad want to protect her from ever being hurt or the butt end of a joke. I thought I had gone through all the stages of grieving and realized that it will never get easy, yet it seems like more now than ever I find myself at rock bottom. I know that there will be many more of these growing moments, so I must quit feeling sorry for myself, peel myself off the floor, brush off and wipe the tears and hope that tomorrow is a brighter day. I just wish it were that easy.

A few pictures!

Holiday Excitement!!!

Ok, so I have become so stinkin excited for the Holidays it's rediculous! Light FM 100 is all Christmas now, and pathetically, I am all tuned in! I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving! I can hardly stand it!!!!!

Hey Brian, HAPPY BIRTHDAY big boy!!! Have a piece of cake for me!! Miss you guys!